I can't believe it's been over two weeks since my last update! No news is good news though! The last few weeks have been awesome - I have felt great! I finally reached a point where the pity parties were no longer! I had to do something - crying every other day because I was feeling sorry for myself was unproductive to say the least! It changed nothing. Finally, the day after Mother's Day, I'd had it and I said no more!!! Seriously, it was ridiculous. What a difference it made - it was so nice to wake up every morning and say (probably 50 times before I even got in the shower) "today is going to be a great day!" I would repeat it to myself several times throughout the day, too - whatever it took, I wasn't going to allow myself to go back to that unhappy place. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge advocate for pity parties, but there just comes a point where you have to accept it and move on or it will literally consume your life and the lives of everyone around you. I wasn't about to let cancer do that!
On Monday, I chopped off all my hair and went into hat wearing mode. I figure cutting my own hair was one of the few things I still had control over. Plus, when it does start to fall out, it will fall out in smaller chunks. I think it will be easier to see small bits of hair on my pillow every morning, instead of chunks that are 5 inches long. I have a wig, but I'm not ready for that yet. I sorta feel like it makes me look a little stripper-esque. I'm actually not sure if I'll ever wear it, but it's there if I need it. Yesterday (Wednesday), I had the port catheter put in. Damn, that was a much more invasive procedure that any of us thought it was going to be. No one prepared me! I had to have a driver, so I knew they'd sedate me a little bit. I figured I'd be there for an hour at the most. My appointment was at 7:30 and I thought we'd be home by 9:00. Ya, right! We got home at 1:30!!! It wasn't a pleasant experience, BUT the sedation they gave me knocked my socks off, so that was nice. I mean, come on, if you're gonna do it, may as well make sure they give you the good stuff, right?! :) And seriously, what is it with me and doctors that are 12 years old?!! My radiologist that put the port in yesterday was so young! I was going to jokingly call him Doogie Houser, but I figured since he would be holding a scalpel to my neck within the next 30 minutes, I probably shouldn't. What happened to the good ol' days when doctors were old and gray? Then for the grand finale of my week, tomorrow is my first chemo treatment. Here's hoping all goes well and the side effects are minimal. All fingers and toes crossed!!!! Wish me luck!
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